Psychology is always interesting. Unfortunately I have a little phobia, I know how it started but I wonder how I can put an end on it. I do not remember exactly the age, but it was between my 12-16 years old when something changed inside my mind.
In a certain evening, my mother was in the living room watching TV (reality shows). I was watching TV too, in her bedroom. I was watching another X-Files episode. I simply devoured the TV when watching such series. I was lie down into her bed, relaxed and attentive. I realized that something was wrong on my left side at the top of the wall just next to the ceiling. Something was moving; at least it was my impression. I didn’t look, I’ve continued focused on the TV and thought: “at the movie break, I’ll check it.”
Great… the movie break… a big yawn… turn the head to the left and screamed:
- Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. - She got scared and asked from the living room:
- What is it?!
- Mamaaaaaaaaaa, come here quickly to kill a big spider.
- Oh shut up and kill it yourself.
- But mamma, it’s SO BIG.
- Shut up.
Great… I went out of the bed slowly to not disturb Mr. Spider. I’ve turn on the light and went to the kitchen to pick up the broom. I’ve took a bath towel and rolled it around the broom at the bottom. Here I was, facing Mr. Spider with my weapon. [Gosh!! When I remember this story all my body trembles].
The spider was completely relaxed. Perhaps it was enjoying the X-Files too. A black body with all the long legs extended on the wall. From one extremity to another the spider would measure between 20 to 25 centimeters. I never saw such thing, neither have seen again, fortunately.
Carefully I’ve raised the broom until the ceiling and prepared to crash the broom against Mr. Spider. I’ve do it with all my forces. Mr. Spider fell down, behind a chair. Again, carefully, I’ve removed the chair but… there was any spider on the floor.
- Mamaaaaaaaaa.
- What?!
- The spider has run awaaaaaaaaayyy. - I’ve burst into tears.
- Shut up.
I’ve turned off the TV, turned off the light and went into my bedroom. Once there, I’ve closed the door. I’d hoped the spider doesn’t run away into my bedroom. I didn’t saw the end of the X-Files episode.
In the next morning day, I was cleaning the bedroom of my little sister when I saw Mr. Spider a few centimeters above the button light next to the door, where I’ve passed through it. Mr. Spider was shy in that day; it was close in itself like a round black ball. It had the size of my fist. I took a pillow and crash the pillow against it. Mr. Spider has died. Its body remained attached to the pillow; some legs remained attached to the dirty wall. It was degusting.
Before met Mr. Spider, I never had afraid of any bug. There were times, when I was reading a book and suddenly a micro spider comes down from my head and stopped in front of my nose. In that time, I laughed. It remembered me that I was there since a long time. It already happen the same situation, after I knew Mr. Spider. My reaction was completely different. I’ve gesticulated quickly in front of my face to remove the spider. Another time, an aunt told me:
- You have a little spider on your shirt. – My reaction was:
- REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT!
I try to be calm when I see a spider, but sometimes the instinct or phobia is stronger than me. It’s frustrating; I can not control myself on some situations.
Sunday night I went to the bathroom and saw a little spider walking inside the bath. The spider could not leave the bath because the bath walls are too smooth and slippery. I’ve stopped in front of it and thought: “Do I kill it or not?” I’ve just opened the water and the spider disappeared through the water pipe.
Monday morning I went into the bathroom to take a shower, but before that, I've took a careful look around and talked to myself:
- Come on, don’t be stupid. The spider has gone. – said my conscience.
- Yes, I know, I’m just checking. – I’ve said.
