A Far West Story

Today I’ll tell another story… a story full of stupidity (or should I say macho stupidity?!)

The story began in November 2005. I was in USA, when one day I’ve called mum. I’ve denoted a strange voice and I’ve insisted on knew what’s going on. Mum told me “A bastard has stolen the plot of land, sliced by the road.” Just to explain, we have one hectare of land. In August 2005 we let a road passing along it to benefit and raise the value of it. In fact, in a corner, the road has sliced the field. About 100m^2 were separated from the big amount of land. Well, it is nothing, but if someday I decide to divide the hectare into lots, that 100m^2 of land can give a small parking car. In fact, next to the slice of land is passing by a brook. The neighbor in the other side of the brook has decided to make 2 bridges connecting his two small farms with the road. Of course, he has passed over the sliced field, knocking down the trees remained there for decades.

I’ve asked to mum why she didn’t stop the guy but she has replied to me that the guy said in the presence of the police officers “Move away or I’ll pass the digger over you.”

I was so far away, and so pissed off. I really doubt that the guy would make any bridge if my father or I was there. The bastard has stolen land from us, threaten my mother and… continuing with the story…

I told to mum to talk with a lawyer and to prosecute the bastard for a) robbery; b) property invasion; c) property damages; d) threat to her physical integrity. She is stubborn, but this time she has made everything as I was telling her. My father was pissed off too. He does not tolerate such disrespect to his wife. My father is crazy enough to do something foolish, so it was not easy to calm him down.

August 2006 I’ve decided which flat to buy. One day, I was so tired that I went to bed in the afternoon. It was 17.30 when I've received a phone call from mum, completely desperate saying “I need your help, come here quickly. The bastard has attempted to kill your father.” Ok, then I was really, really pissed off. You do not want to know what I was intending to do in the next 10 minutes after the phone call. I went there. At my arrival the police officers were there making measurements and asking some questions to the witnesses. So what’s happened?! My parents went to the farm and in that specific moment the bastard was in his farm. My father went until the bridge and remained on his side. He was intending to have a serious talk, man to man, with the bastard. The bastard enters on his pick-up, passes over the bridge in direction to my father. My father had time only to jump to the brook, but not without a push from the pick-up on his backs. From the police officers measurements, the pick-up was in the opposite sense of the road and passed with the front tire from the bridge side about 10 cm. Later he said to the police officer that it was not his intension to run over my father.

I went with my father to the emergency and remained there for several hours. He had a fissure on his low spine. In the emergency service everybody was astonished with such story. One of the doctors said “Are we in the far west land, or what?!” It was 2 a.m. when I went to the police office with my father to prosecute the bastard for e) killing attempt. I remember my father was tired and confused. My father has answered all the questions made by the police officer, but it was me that I was insisting on prosecute the guy. The police officer was always saying “This is a disagreement between neighbors, the case will be closed”. After 2 hours of nonsense conversation I become angry and said “You will accept our charge and gladly, otherwise tomorrow morning I’ll be here to talk with your superiors. As you have told, you should be at home with your wife and your kids since about 2 hours ago. So if you really love them, you will not take the risk to be dismissed or to be regressed.” End of the story, the guy has made the prosecution, my father has signed the papers and we went home to rest. This story is so serious that PJ (Policia Judiciária) is in charge for the case.

This week my mum said “The bastard is demolishing the bridges”, finally after 2 years, but today she told me “He has only destroyed one; tomorrow I’ll go to the town council to charge him again.” All of us are beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel... Two f*cking years to compel the bastard to demolish the bridges!! Now, we just need to sit down and watch the decay of the bastard, on paying the court costs and the compensations for all the prosecutions, specially the prosecution e).

By the way, today (September, 26) my parents celebrate their 37th marriage anniversary. Congratulation to both of them.

Today I cried

Since my 15 years old that I have (or had) a health problem. I’ve got used and lived with it until today. On each year passing the quality of life had always an exponential decrease. Soon I had a restricted diet, but you know better than nobody that sometimes we break the diet. It’s not easy to go to a restaurant and do not know what to eat. I’ve always avoid the weird names on the menu and sometimes I asked to the waiter which specific condiments the food had.

There was times that I didn’t knew that I will got ill. I remember the day I’ve started the master degree. My mother has made a delicious soup with white beans for diner. White beans… Today I run away from them as the devil runs away from the cross. Another memorable day, a MOO dinner (the last dinner, not lunch), while socializing I’ve drunk a vodka. Vodka… I’ve passed around 10 hours in the hospital in the next day. While attending the SofExtrusion 2004 at Algarve, I’ve drunk some red wine while I was dinning with my boss. We were in the Pestana Hotel (5 *) at Alvor. 5 days of conference it was like 5 days of nightmares. In the last night, I went to the emergency and remained there more than 24 hours. Don’t blame me, I just wanted to visit Portimão and stay another night in that luxurious hotel. Well the white wine had the same effect, 4 days before to go to USA I’ve made a little visit to the emergency. Then the doctors have decided for a surgical treatment.

I always though that problem was my weakness but today it is my strength. Many of you know that I’ve got a surgery 2 months ago (finally) but just a few knows what the problem was. It’s a fuck to can not eat, drink and… other stuff.

We were 4 people, 3 old men (around 60/70 years old) and me, a young woman. Usually it’s always first the ladies, but this time I was the last one. The nurses were always singing childish music to relax the patients. I was not afraid and seconds before the anesthesia I’ve asked to the nurses who was the doctor that will operate me. “Do you want to see him?!” she asked. “Yes, of course”, I’ve replied. The doctor came and looked to me without saying a word and I’ve said “Just do a good job; let the things pretty because I’m still a single woman.” I do not remember their reaction; I had no time to see it before to fall asleep.

I’ve woke up in the hell. A fat nurse told me “try to be calm, take deep breaths.” “I’m calm. Just give me something for the pains”, I said. “You are already medicated unless I put you in coma again!” she replied. The doctor arrived and she was explaining that I was to much agitate and didn’t know what to do to help me. At this time 2 guys approach to me, one injecting some stuff in my veins and the other one doing the same thing but in my ass. The doctor said to the nurse “No wonder why she is agitate, you do not want to do what she has done.”

The pains calm down but I’ve realized that I need to control a spasm. Until that day I didn’t know I had frequent spasms in such region. Each spasm took me back to hell. And you wonder how we control spasm… I don’t know, I’ve made the impossible to avoid them. I could not asleep at night with afraid of having a spasm. They took me to the bedroom where my mother was waiting for me. I really don’t want know what my mother saw into my eyes. She burst into tears. And yes… seeing her crying, I’ve cried too of weakness.

Today I’m fine, but I have not recovered yet. I’ve a fucking diet which is cereals at the breakfast, soup at lunch and soup at dinner, until the doctor changes his mind.

--------------"----------------"-----------

Today I’ve received a letter with no remitter. Funny… they have used the prefix Dr.a. Inside there was a CD with a single letter written on it… T.

“T?! I don’t believe… It can not be! Well, if it is what I’m thinking let see the show.” I’ve received a SMS saying “Have fun and laugh on watching it.”

I’ve watched the movies (some 80’s amateur tape). I did not laugh and I did not have fun. I’ve cried. I’ve replied to the SMS “I never done such things but I know what the pains are. The bastard should have a bullet in the brain.” I’ve taken about 30 minutes to stop crying and begin to write this message.

A special message for someone: “Do you understand why people were protecting me?!”

n.b. The sentence "The bastard should have a bullet in the brain." is a bad translation from the Portuguese sentence "O gajo merecia morrer com uma bala no meio da cornadura."

Phobia

Psychology is always interesting. Unfortunately I have a little phobia, I know how it started but I wonder how I can put an end on it. I do not remember exactly the age, but it was between my 12-16 years old when something changed inside my mind.

In a certain evening, my mother was in the living room watching TV (reality shows). I was watching TV too, in her bedroom. I was watching another X-Files episode. I simply devoured the TV when watching such series. I was lie down into her bed, relaxed and attentive. I realized that something was wrong on my left side at the top of the wall just next to the ceiling. Something was moving; at least it was my impression. I didn’t look, I’ve continued focused on the TV and thought: “at the movie break, I’ll check it.”

Great… the movie break… a big yawn… turn the head to the left and screamed:

- Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. - She got scared and asked from the living room:
- What is it?!
- Mamaaaaaaaaaa, come here quickly to kill a big spider.
- Oh shut up and kill it yourself.
- But mamma, it’s SO BIG.
- Shut up.

Great… I went out of the bed slowly to not disturb Mr. Spider. I’ve turn on the light and went to the kitchen to pick up the broom. I’ve took a bath towel and rolled it around the broom at the bottom. Here I was, facing Mr. Spider with my weapon. [Gosh!! When I remember this story all my body trembles].

The spider was completely relaxed. Perhaps it was enjoying the X-Files too. A black body with all the long legs extended on the wall. From one extremity to another the spider would measure between 20 to 25 centimeters. I never saw such thing, neither have seen again, fortunately.

Carefully I’ve raised the broom until the ceiling and prepared to crash the broom against Mr. Spider. I’ve do it with all my forces. Mr. Spider fell down, behind a chair. Again, carefully, I’ve removed the chair but… there was any spider on the floor.

- Mamaaaaaaaaa.
- What?!
- The spider has run awaaaaaaaaayyy. - I’ve burst into tears.
- Shut up.

I’ve turned off the TV, turned off the light and went into my bedroom. Once there, I’ve closed the door. I’d hoped the spider doesn’t run away into my bedroom. I didn’t saw the end of the X-Files episode.

In the next morning day, I was cleaning the bedroom of my little sister when I saw Mr. Spider a few centimeters above the button light next to the door, where I’ve passed through it. Mr. Spider was shy in that day; it was close in itself like a round black ball. It had the size of my fist. I took a pillow and crash the pillow against it. Mr. Spider has died. Its body remained attached to the pillow; some legs remained attached to the dirty wall. It was degusting.

Before met Mr. Spider, I never had afraid of any bug. There were times, when I was reading a book and suddenly a micro spider comes down from my head and stopped in front of my nose. In that time, I laughed. It remembered me that I was there since a long time. It already happen the same situation, after I knew Mr. Spider. My reaction was completely different. I’ve gesticulated quickly in front of my face to remove the spider. Another time, an aunt told me:

- You have a little spider on your shirt. – My reaction was:
- REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT!

I try to be calm when I see a spider, but sometimes the instinct or phobia is stronger than me. It’s frustrating; I can not control myself on some situations.

Sunday night I went to the bathroom and saw a little spider walking inside the bath. The spider could not leave the bath because the bath walls are too smooth and slippery. I’ve stopped in front of it and thought: “Do I kill it or not?” I’ve just opened the water and the spider disappeared through the water pipe.

Monday morning I went into the bathroom to take a shower, but before that, I've took a careful look around and talked to myself:

- Come on, don’t be stupid. The spider has gone. – said my conscience.
- Yes, I know, I’m just checking. – I’ve said.

Who said that life is easy?!

Life is happiness and sadness at the same time. You need to get hurt to be happy, but you get hurt only if you have already been happy.

However, sometimes we have a good life and we feel depressed, sad, with no will to live. And we ask ourselves many times "What the f*cking I'm doing in this world?" I think we will discover the answer when we get 80 years old :) So... we need to wait until there.
Yesterday, on a talk, someone has dropped the words "The Thin Red Line". I didn't know that was a movie, and from the comments that I have read each of us fights our own wars. Everyday you have a challenge and you need to be tough. I didn't said that was easy, did I? But at least I'm here writing these words, I can say that I'm reaching the goals of each challenge in my life.
Another comment by Peter Preston

"There's only a thin red line between the sane and the mad."

That's true. An inner strength is always needed to conserve the mental sanity. How many times you have felt collapsing? I guess, hundred times. If you reach this state, close your eyes for long hours, hear your breathing and control it. Clean your mind of any thoughts, and listen your heart beating. You are not allowed to cry, remove that nasty thought from your mind and fast.
Try to be calm and regain the strength that you need to open your eyes, to walk and clean all the mess in your life.

Today, I'll finish with one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard: "Everybody Hurts" from R.E.M released in 1992.



When your day is long and the night,
The night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough
of this life,
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go,
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along
When your days is night alone,
If you feel like letting go,
When you think you've had too much
Of this life,
Well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone,
No, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life,
The days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much
Of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts,
Sometimes everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on, hold on...
Everybody hurts... You are not alone