Sleeping, Eating and Sleeping

Last week I’ve spent my time on eating, writing and sleeping. It’s hard when you want to work; you sit in front of the computer, open the text editor and decide to take a nap. Sometimes it is irritating, because you want the work done, but your body/head don’t let you accomplish your task.

Yesterday I’ve decided that by the end of this week I will have chapter 5 and half of the chapter 6 of my thesis written. I’ve started quite well today. I woke up at 9 a.m., eaten by breakfast and 10:30 I was in bed to take a nap. I woke at 13:00 and had my lunch. Miraculously I did a banana pudding instead of tacking a nap.

Did I say tacking a nap? I went to bed to take the second nap at 14:30. Again… I woke up at 18:00 and tasted the pudding. You are wondering when I’ll finish to write the thesis. Well, I do not know. Meanwhile I’m trying to not take another nap. It would be great if I could write the first paragraph of the f***ing fifth chapter.

Good Mixing Degree

I'm tired of writing... and you say "What?! She's not writing in her blog in about one month." Precisely... My current task is to write papers and the PhD thesis (at least it should be). Honestly, I have not begun writing the thesis. Anyway, I'm not concerned. It will be a compilation of 4 international papers, + introduction, + conclusions. I'll be surprised if the thesis will have more than 100 pages. That's what I call to be concise, which is a mathematician skill or something like the kiss principle.

It's quite discouraging just writing:

Paper 1 (P1) goes to the advisor (A). A returns P1 with comments. P1 goes again to A, and the supreme advisor (SA) asks for P1 and P2. The last corrections on P1 are made by suggestions of A and he asks for P2. P1 goes to SA, while a draft of P2 goes to A.

You get P1 back for modifications and also P2 to re-write, at the same time. (are you following the story?)

P1 goes to SA and P2 to A. P1 still needs some major modifications. P1 goes again to A. P2 return to you and A asks for P3. SA asks for P1.

Well, I'm lost. Basically, today I've sent P1 and P2 to SA and replied to A that P3 will be ready soon referring that "this is what I call a good mixing", i.e., to not know how my work is going on, as if my work subject isn't mixing already. I wonder if soon can be applied to after June 20th.

Also, I now have SA requesting some slides for his presentation at PPS-24. Doing all the calculations, it seems that I have no time available to make my presentation for the same conference, <ironic mode> which is always a good point. </ironic mode>

Do I seem stressed?! I just need to submit the thesis until the end of July and SA says I need 3 months to write the thesis. Fantastic!

Some time ago a colleague has asked: "In a scale of 1 to 20 which is the difficulty of getting a PhD?" I've answered: "4, the difficulty is like in any other job, but you have a lot of work. Also, either you have a lot of perseverance or you'll fail."

I'm mentally tired, exhausted.

Science with Love

Ok, this time is better to show part of my screen. Images speak always by themselves.

I thought on hiding the sender name, but... the message above has his name. At least he has noticed that something was... wrong! From now on, many people (perhaps all the department) will call Mr. Mateus as Francisquinho. :p

Superwoman

This week I’ve found in the Internet an article which describes some of my impotence on changing some facts in my life. You can read it here.

I was raised by my parents. Both have always underlined the fact of being a good housewife. I must have time to cook, to clean (ya… to iron too, blarg), etc, as other women. We can not forget that I work all day (besides the housewife job) and usually I bring extra work that must be done at home. But the problem is the time… time is never enough to do everything.

I already have tried to do a strike for a help on the regular home tasks. But… I can not count with the neighbors; it must be me to do the entire job. I already have requested help to my guy on the weekends. Some few times my request was completely neglected and he says “you need to relax.” Of course… the next hours were passed in bed doing something again and again which makes me falling asleep until 4 p.m. When my mum calls, she’s astonished because I’ve not made lunch and I still sleeping. Oh mum… it’s so hard to explain!

Other times he says “I’ve brougth to much work!” and here I go doing everything alone. But he forgot that I also had brought work. Last weekend he was the most helpful guy. When he wants he is very helpful. Unfortunately I think this is one situation on one thousand.

I’m not complaining… I was raised to be a housewife but… I do not have time for everything. And like me there are thousand of women. If men want their wives smiley with a good mood and time to be in bed, they must help them on everything they can. Do not get surprised if she rejects you or she’s always with a headache.

Tedious Hobby

Another weekend… another boring task. I always do a special boring task each Sunday morning. You are wondering what I do, instead of being in bed, delighting a beautiful and peaceful morning thinking about on having some fun after someone’s wake-up.

Indeed, it’s a real psychological torture those mornings. I never liked to stand to much time ironing. Some time ago, I only had a pair of bed sheets, two pants, a pajama and a few shirts for ironing. Today, I really need to have patience for ironing.

Here I am looking to the laundry basket… a towel… a gray shirt… a pants… a gray shirt… a blue shirt… a gray shirt, another grey shirt… a bed sheet, two bed sheets…

Yes… I’ve almost done, finally… my pajama, my pants, my towel… another grey shirt and another and another… all grays. I observe the laundry basket becoming empty, but there is always a f*cking gray shirt there. What a desperately tedious task! No wonder my mother always said “if you like it, buy two but in different colors.” Thanks’ mum, I’ll never forget that.

Finally... The End!

Remember this pearl? Finally, she's gone.

Unfortunately she was smart enough to delete all the data in the computer, but not so smart on thinking that we could not recover the most part of the data. Anyway... Like my advisor has asked: "Do you think you will recover something useful?" Humm, I could not answer that, I always have a little faith on people, believing that perhaps I can be wrong. So I did not said what I really have thought: "No, since she was here doing nothing these last 3 years."

We have exchanged a few words Monday afternoon. She was thankful for my help, bla bla bla... She was trying to be nice (and wise) but I did not play her game. I was very cold and self-assertive. I touched all the points she messed me along these years without a smile. Of course she felt uncomfortable and tried to thank me again and again. She asked what I'll do after the PhD. My answer was very clear... Perhaps a post-doc, but I will only stay in Portugal if they pay me much more than they paid you. What you earn is not enough for me, comparing the knowledge that we each possess. She has shut up with the thanks and said goodbye. Because I’m very polite, I whished her a nice trip.

Instructive Information from my Superiors

[FWD]: A complexidade do Papel Higiénico!!!

(C/ perfume) (S/ perfume) (Sensitive c/ vitamina E)

Ao fazer compras no supermercado, fiquei palerma com a linha de papéis higiénicos Neve.

Segundo o fabricante, Neve é um produto sofisticado, destinado às classes A e B... só se for A de Apaneleirado e B de Bicha, pela quantidade de mariquices anunciadas, como o Neve Ultra, que já vem com algumas opções: «alto-relevo de flores, perfume e uma micro-textura» que, segundo o texto da embalagem, proporciona aos seus felizes utilizadores «a suavidade de uma pétala de rosa»!

Perguntar não ofende: alguém já limpou o cu com uma pétala de rosa? Depois, temos o Ultra Soft Color, mais caro é claro! De cor laranja vem com «extracto de pêssego»... como se o cu distinguisse a cor e sentisse o cheiro!

Mas, o supra sumo é o Neve Ultra Protection, o top da linha. Este Rolls Royce dos papéis higiénicos, além de conter «óleo de amêndoas», que garante «maciez superior e um cuidado maior com a pele», na sua delicada fórmula encontramos Vitamina E (!!!)

Esta coisa de cagar e sair com o cu vitaminado é mesmo coisa de maricas!

Manda este mail para os teus amigos de cu sensível... Eu já fiz a minha parte!

E não adianta ficares de trombas porque eu também o recebi!

--------------------

This is what I call "to make science".

Writing e-mails Politely

A mail sent from a college teacher to an administrator (X. Lavrador X. with e-mail: lavrador@...) at UMinho:

Exmo Senhor Dr. Lavrador
A secretária do D--- acabou de falar com a sua secretária, ---, que disse que os saldos de 2007 dos centros de custo das propinas de Doutoramento e de outras verbas próprias não iriam transitar para este ano de 2008.
Venho pois solicitar que informe a razão por que tal acontece, com o devido ofício ou nota informativa de quem de direito.
Agradeço ainda que me diga como é que se procederá ao pagamento de viagens e materiais adquiridos para os alunos de doutoramento que pagaram devidamente as suas propinas.
Grata pela informação
-

Sometimes I just love to be around these guys. :-D

The Seed of Bugs

Part of the mathematical model developed along these years works with the Monte Carlo method. Did you ever eared talking about stochastic?! Don’t worry… me neither until 3 years ago. Basically, I generate (pseudo-) random numbers, which will dictate what decision to take. The code is written in the C language, and I was compelled to initiate the random numbers, using a seed, well… in this case, the seed is the time.

Yesterday I have made some changes in the code. To verify the results I need to run at least 25*4 simulations, each simulation represents a single point in a graph and takes about 15 minutes to run. So I’ve putted in comment about 90% of the code, in this way I should save some time. Indeed, each simulation is completed in the maximum of 2 minutes, but… there is a big, HUGE problem. The random numbers have not a wide and dispersed range and I can not get the results that I should have. I only get a stagnant line (equal to zero). On the contrary, if I run all the code, which implies higher time consumption, I get the results expected.

Someday I could do some optimization in a way to reduce the computational time (well, I doubt it, but just imagine the scenario), but the question is… would I get the same results?! I don’t think so.

Is there any seed that I could use instead the time?!

ZOOMinho

In these last 5 years I’ve been working at the university. In all this time I’ve been in three different offices. When looking back I do not miss those places. They were not bad at all, but in this office the silence is the characteristic which I most appreciate.

From today on, I do not want to go back to those offices. I have a strong and valid reason for that. Well apart some occasional fleas in this office, the other ones at this moment are being inhabited by rats.

Definitively, we are in a new generation: the recycling generation. The rats are helping on destroying plastic and creating some faeces. How nature is wonderful… Like Einstein said “we can just transform mass into energy and energy into mass”. However it is common in these days to have organic and non-organic products/mass. The rats are transforming non-organic on organic mass by a biological process. And as you know all the biological products are expensive.

On an economical point of view, the price of the biological product will suffer a raise, since a new biological method has been applied on transforming the inorganic mass. After a few calculations on your budget, you will say “Damn the rats”.

Oh no… the Chinese is back!

In these last 2 years I had a Chinese colleague in the office. Unfortunately, I do not have the best opinion about her. She came here for a pos-doc, but she didn’t know the C language and how to create a .doc file. My name became so common on requesting help that I can not support to look at her. (And she is just in front of me).

Last July she went to China for holidays. Here at the office everybody was glad, at least we will pass 2 months without the bad smelling. Fortunately she has needed to stay 2 months more there. And we were happy… and thinking that perhaps she could not return anymore.

I’ve helped so much that woman that someday she has decided to return to me all the favors. She has introduced to me a Japanese guy (pos-doc), saying that he was single, a nice man and had only 31 years old. The same guy, after 5 minutes of acquaintance, makes me the proposal to go to Lisbon to a Japanese party on the next weekend.

Point 1: What the fuck would I do between Japanese people?!

Point 2: I do not have extra money!

Point 3: Where the fuck would I sleep?!

Of course, I have rejected the proposal with a huge smile. I’ve entered in the office and passed hours arguing with her. I even told her “If you think he is a nice guy, go to bed with him!” She only asked excuses saying “You are always so nice with me; I was trying to help you on finding a husband.” Great… that was the biggest certificate of inability that I have received on all my life.

Another day, she said that was bitten by a bug. She thought on going to the doctor, so he could give her some medicine to kill the bugs. Well… they were jumpy bugs on the bed. Jumpy bugs?! I’ve made a search on google for flea. I’ve found some images and showed to her. She said very happy “that’s it, they are the same. How can I kill them?” My answer was short “clean the house, wash the laundry and take a bath.”

Yes, yes, yes… I’ve told her a lot of times to take a bath. She smells so badly. Once she has asked where the bad smell was coming. I didn’t know what to say and with some nerves I told “I don’t know, take a bath. Perhaps it’s your feet, perhaps it’s your hair or perhaps it’s between your legs!” She was shocked and asked me “Are you telling me that I have a sex problem?!” I’ve laugh and laugh, I could not say anything.

And today she is back. What the fuck!

UMinho connectivity

Many of you knows that the connectivity to University of Minho have been shut down these last 2-3 days. It seems that some asshole while doing a cleft with a caterpillar machine has cut a cable of optic fiber. Why people do not take a map of wires and pipes that are underground to check if they can work safely or not?! Well… it was just a cable, right?!

The same asshole could break a pipe of water. It would be just a pipe of water, so why worry about that?! The same case as if it was a pipe of gas, right?! But in this example, somewhere the asshole should be assist to a detonation before dying. Why to get worried?! It would be just a pipe of gas.

That’s the Portuguese style of work: To do everything as soon as possible with minor effort and without a plan. Ok, sometimes is to do everything at the last minute and badly done (without a plan too).

Honestly, I can not understand these minds. People should work properly, safely and with determination. Instead of that people are incompetent, indulgent and lazy. At this point, I take a deep breath and I continue with my own life style.

Obsession

Last month I have attended an international conference at Porto. As usual, at lunch time, all the participants try to socialize. And there I was doing the same. I was talking with a guy coming from Netherlands. I do not remember to much of the conversation, but some minutes before a plenary session he said:

Netherland Guy: 4 days of conference is too much!!

me: Yes it is. About 5 days that I didn't go to my office. I miss so much my office that last night I went there.

NG: No, I can not believe it.

me: Yes, it’s true. I was there since 10 p.m. until midnight. Just checking e-mails, nothing important.

NG: I think you need a doctor.

me: I think so… and you?! Are you enjoying your stay in Portugal?! Everybody complains about the weather, but believe me… the weather is just fine, it’s not cold neither too hot.

NG: I would like to have this weather where I live. In fact I’m in holidays.

me: Oh, you have toke some days off while attending the conference.

NG: No, I’m in holidays. Last week I saw somewhere that a conference about numerical simulations will be held here. And here I am. I do not know what I’m going to answer if my boss asks how good were my holidays. I think I’ll answer that I’ve attended a conference.

me: Hummm, he will think that has an excellent employee. Anyway, you really need a doctor too.

NG: I agree with you.